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Life isn't all the way we want it to be, we aren't all the way life would want us to be, either.


"I stopped looking for love and I found it. It just had to be  that ironic. "

I found someone to live for. A girl. Colleen. She is my everything. We're best friends and lovers. A good combination.. There has not been a moment with Colleen that I've not been happy. I hope I don't screw this up, cuz I want this to last. I've never felt like this about someone before.

Colleen, I love you. I will always love you.


bullet"I'd sooner take my life away than live with losing you." -Beyond this life, Dream theater
bulletThe rain pours, my tears fall, they are warm. They burn my eyes as the raindrops drip down the window and the tears flow over my cheeks. I love you. Your mistake was small, the result was devastating, but you couldn't know. For a moment I was back down in the deepest pit of my life, and it upset me so badly it nearly knocked me over. "Though the past is behind us, there's still roots of it's sickness in my life.. I'm curing but no conscious thought can speed up the process.." Our love is curing me at the highest possible rate. I could never describe in words what you mean to me.
bulletTurn around and walk away, that's all.
bullet The text you wrote on my pants, it washed off. There's absolutely no trace left.

We lived a dream, I remember.

bulletWe don't give a fuck about your world!" -System of a down
bulletDead Star:

"Shame on you for thinking You're an exception, we're all to blame."
"Fading like a dead star."

"You used to be everything to me, now you're tired of fighting. Tired of fighting, fighting yourself."

"Shame on you for thinking You're all alone."
"Failing to impress me. Why can't you sleep with someone who'll protect you?"

-Muse, who else?

bulletWhy the fuck are you not here with me? Who do you think you are, playing with my feelings like that! I hate you.. no I love you. I hate to love you..
bulletDirecting your life

It's 'in' to be different, so you're 'different' like everybody else. You are so insecure.
bulletI've seen both sides of the Atlantic and liked neither.
bulletIt's not right, we have to stop it.

We're not being fair to him.
bulletI told you what you wanted to hear.
Why are you so mad? Honesty is relative.
I didn't really lie, if I would've said anything else you would've been mad too. You are impossible.. You don't exist. There is no one that knows.
bulletYou died so easily.. why did you start fighting me? I wasn't going to. Everybody thinks it was an accident.
bulletI will supress love towards anyone until I'm quite confident that my feelings won't be smashed into the ground again. If that happens one more time I will kill myself.

  I'm tired. My mind is tired. I'm glad that I can go to sleep soon. I close my eyes and drift off into a peaceful sleep. I dream. I dream of you, being together with you. In my dream, there is no distance. We are dancing, there is no music but we are dancing in the sun, on a big field. There is grass. You can't see far, because it's white around us. Not misty white, brilliant white. Light in every colour, making white. It's beautiful. You look beautiful. I sit down with my knees on the short grass, it's about three inches. You sit down with me, I have my arms around you and feel your warmth. We're close. I hold you close. As I kiss your lips softly, suck on your lip, the white draws in on us. Now there's just your lips and the white. It all melts into one feeling.. It's a sad feeling. A 'could-have-been' feeling. When I lost hope, life lost its purpose to me. It's sad but I can't seem to care anymore. I lie down with my back in the grass. You're gone.. I'm not sure if you've ever really been there. I can't really see anything but white anyway. I don't care, I never thought life could lose its meaning like that. I realize there wasn't really any grass. I realize that the white was black all along.
bulletWill you hold me again when I sleep? It's cold without you.
bulletMy heart's been crushed so many times that the word lost it's meaning to me.

You're talking to me, your voice seems to be creeping inside my head. You talk about you. Indirectly, you're talking about random things but they end up affecting you. All the phrases that creep out of your mouth and through my head seem to contain the one letter referring to your own person. You think you know, you think you know so well, but there is no justifying. What you did was wrong and you know it. It also bothers you, because another thing I pick up from your whining voice is the lie. The lie that you were doing what was right. You were wrong, you know you were wrong. You aren't stupid, but you're still making a mistake: I'm not stupid either. Fuck you, fuck you to hell. If I put effort in it I could seriously hurt you, could kill you even. That would be in the best interest of neither of us though. It would serve no purpose.

I can only sit here, listening to your lies, smelling your cigarette. I'm pissed off, frustrated, but I smile at you. I hate you but I want to be your friend.


It will be in the best interest of all.

I promise that you will pay though. You will pay for what you did to him.
bulletSuffer for your mistakes
bulletI care.

bulletTime is a dimension we can't look into, we can only see it's effect. How many other dimensions are there that have no perceivable effect?
bulletHow do you think this makes me feel? This is not what we agreed on. It hurts so bad.. You're making me doubt myself like the others, now.
bulletThey fought about nothing really, it was something unimportant, looking back at it. They still loved each other so much. In the heat of the fight she said something she didn't mean, though.
The news came as a shock. Even though she had been afraid of it all the time, it still came as a shock that would change her life forever. She wanted to tell him she had been wrong, she wanted to tell him just how much wrong she had been.. She didn't get the chance, she never  will, because he ended it all.

She met someone else, but in her heart she could never love anyone anymore. She was too afraid to love someone again.

If it would all happen again? She would probably do the same. She can't help it, it's in her nature. She still thinks of him and of the one after, she stares at her pink walls and cries. Cries in loneliness.

She knows no love.
bullet"Why do birds sing when you're near me?" -Sabya
bulletBoys and guns don't mix. 011 316 5020 1705